My hubby is my hero because through twenty five years of illness he has never given up on me. He was a healthy young guy when I got sick who could have done what many spouses do and flew…Instead, each and everyday he makes this journey of living with CFS “our” journey…
He rubs my painful leg every night. He has stayed awake with me through countless nights of IC and Gastroparesis attacks. When my limbs stop working he gets me to a safe place and brings me everything I need to be comfortable there. He keeps his phone at hand and makes sure I can easily reach mine to call him when I need him. His arm is always ready to help me balance. He drives me everywhere…today to get my haircut, tomorrow it will be to buy his birthday cake. He grocery shops, birthday shops. He travels this medical journey with me…accompanying me to doctors appts., tests, labs. He takes my walker in and out of the car (thousands of times) without complaint.
While I was homebound sick, and our kids were young, he coached soccer and softball and joined in karate lessons. He spent evenings helping with homework and reading to the kids. Weekends and holidays, he played chess and boardgames, camped and fished with them. He didn’t miss a school conference and got them to music lessons, birthday parties etc…In the midst of it all, his calm temperament prevailed.
He is our one and only breadwinner….and works awfully hard winning it.
Through his eyes I see “Kerry”, not a woman with an illness, not a woman a whole lot chunkier than he fell in love with who has soggy muscles heading for the floor (because when you have severe CFS with its exercise intolerance, a work out on a good day can look like this–one slow lap around the perimeter of the backyard or a couple climbs up and down the stairs.)
He loves me enough to be a good liar who tells me I look beautiful when my eyelids are swollen and droopy, my face is swollen and I am still in my pjs with my hair barely brushed and no make-up on…and its late afternoon…
He keeps our love for being in the mountains together alive…by hauling not only our travel trailer up the mountains, but all the gear for my physical needs. When we camp in a place with smoother surfaced trails he takes me “hiking” in my wheelchair…and once again I feel like “Kerry” minus illness. He takes our canoe down from the truck and back up on to the truck by himself and rows us solo around lakes and streams.
And somehow he does all this (and much more) without complaint, without help, and without self-pity…
Happy birthday hubby, my unsung hero! Here’s to my body holding up today so that you can get out for that bday steak dinner you’ve been craving…
Here’s to all of our unsung caregiving heros. If you’d like, please share a little something about your unsung hero, as well as ideas on ways to help and encourage them.
If you know someone doing this 24/7 job which offers no lunch breaks or sick days, and would like to be of help and support, here’s some ideas:
-a meal brought over–to freeze for a night when cooking is impossible (which is often.)
-respite care-spending an hour or two with his/her sick loved one so the caregiver can take a little time for themselves, even a walk or a bike ride is a rejuvenating break.
-lending a hand at yardwork or a home project
-if you are able and comfortable, caring for the sick loved one over night would be an amazing gift and a true break for the caregiver.
-taking the chronically ill partner who isn’t able to drive, out for a short while…getting out is great for his/her spirit–and the caregiver not being the only who can do this is great for the caregiver’s spirits.
-if all of the above is out of your limits (life gets full and overwhelming for all)…an encouraging phone call or a card can mean much.
Oh, what a nice way to honor your husband. He sounds like a real gem, Kerry. I understand all that you are saying as my sweet hubby stands close to yours in the world of caregivers…Thank you for sharing all you have and reminding me of the blessings I have been given with Joel in my life.
God bless you both!
Happy Birthday to him too.
Renee´s last blog ..Lyme/CFS Relapse
Kerry~ Our hubbies really our the unsung heroes and yours sounds outstanding; you are truly blessed! And to notice, appreciate & thank his gift makes you even more blessed. Happy Birthday to him!
pj´s last blog ..Happiness Challenge, Month Two (Love), Week Five (Give Proofs of Love)
Renee and PJ, so glad you have wonderful hubbies who are there for you too. Here’s to each of them, as they are gems, the true blues…
I’m having a familiar feeling that I do on my husband’s birthday…wanting to feel good enough to get dressed up and look pretty, then take him out to both dinner and a movie. Instead its play it by ear and hope I am at least functioning well enough to take him out to an early bird dinner and if not bring something special to eat in, that he has to go out and get. He won’t complain but I know he sure would enjoy the dinner and a movie if it were possible…
I also miss baking him a cake. Fortunately he likes pies and Marie Calendar’s is always there with yum ones. He is further along in acceptance of this life that is ours than I am. I still seem to wake up each morning surprised that my body doesn’t work…
I don’t have one, Kerry, but I am so happy you do. That made me cry! Give your husband a big hug from me for taking such great care of you!
Dominique´s last blog ..I never agreed to this
Dominique–I will definatly pass your hug to him. I often think about if I didn’t have him, how I would do it. Getting to the grocery store for food can be impossible for many with CFS and often is for me. (I would lose weight, that’s for sure). Here’s a big hug from me to you. By the way I like your pic–looks so pretty yet shows the reality of the CFS “recline”.
Dominque–I went in and gave him a hug telling him it was from one of my blogger friends–you put a smile on his face!
What a wonderful tribute to your husband, Kerry! Beautiful sentiments beautifully written.. I am also lucky to have a wonderfully supportive husband, but I probably don’t tell him that often enough!
Sue
Sue Jackson´s last blog ..Orthostatic Intolerance and CFS
Kerry – thanks for the hug. I wasn’t trying to show off the CFS recline but my new chair! I do recline an awful lot though, now that I think about it! LOL
Dominique´s last blog ..I never agreed to this
Kerry,
What a wonderful post! I too am very fortunate to have a husband who did not run for the hills when my health went suddenly and dramatically downhill!
While I was chronically ill long before I met him, it wasn’t until after we were married that I *REALLY* got sick. Having attending many (endometriosis) support groups over the years (and having led such a group from 2001-2008), I have witnessed just how common it it for spouses to flee when serious health issues set in.
Like you, I have a husband who carries the canoe by himself from off of the top of the van into the water and back. As it’s a cedar canoe and quite heavy, this is no small feat. I worry about him carrying all that weight by himself but he insists that it’s OK. With my fibromyalgia in particular, I helplessly watch him do it alone.
You listed some great ideas at the end too!
I hope your husband had a very happy birthday!
Jeanne
P.S. I just posted on my blog about an opportunity for IC patients’ voices to be heard by Congress. Unfortunately, the notification I received from the ICA was on short notice. The deadline for submitting comments is midnight tonight. However, all they need is a short paragraph.
Jeanne´s last blog ..Tell Congress About Your Interstitial Cystitis
Jeanne– How awesome to know we both have hubbies that will take us canoeing, even if it means the possiblity of putting their backs out. I know the feeling of helplessly watching…I try to be a quiet, slow-moving…cheerleader.
Sorry to have missed the deadline for writing to congress about IC–it is one of the most painful conditions–there is no pain like it…
We did get out for my hubby’s steak dinner and that was so nice to sit across from each other in a restaurant. All these things that “normal” people can do become incredibly awesome when we are able to.
Here’s to your hubby…another gem!
Kerry,
Yes, we are fortunate!
You did *not* miss the deadline for the IC letter. It’s midnight tonight.
Yay for steak dinner with Hubby!
Yup!
Jeanne
Jeanne´s last blog ..Tell Congress About Your Interstitial Cystitis
Want to thank everyone for your kind responses to this post. It has been fun to share the encouragement and support with my husband. His birthday was a day of work and a night of a work emergency…but we managed to get out to a wonderful dinner.
I wrote this post during the night before his bday. I couldn’t sleep, and often write when I experience insomnia. I read this to him in the morning. He told me it was the nicest present he’d ever received.
I share this, because his response to it taught me much…reminding me that I am enough…even if I can’t get out and shop or take him to plays, movies, restaurants etc…
I am enough…and love is enough. Pretty cool lesson. Got to give him another kudo for that one.